Abandoned Introduction to nothing

Every time I enter a room I get the feeling that someone has just left it. Every time I round a corner,  walk down onto a landing, turn into a hallway; I feel that. Someone has just whipped out from my sight. Perhaps you think this feeling would render me lonely. Quite the opposite - it gives me a feeling of connection. 

I loved someone once, and I think she loved me too. We were married, briefly. She was beautiful. Her skin was cream and roses, her hair soft, like down. Her limbs were like marble. Slender wrists, tiny feet, puckered mouth. Our bodies were meant to be united, but not our souls. Our kinship could never go as deep as the well of her mind. She was a brilliant girl, and she needed someone to talk with. I am not a simple man, but the conveyance of my thought  could never ring and shimmer as a bell to any one person's ear. It was more of a clunk and a thud. 

I had already planned to leave her before she ended up leaving me. It wasn't for me, understand that. I bored her. I could see that. She loved me yes, but I wasn't scintillating to her. I was prepared to leave, take my mission. Perhaps if I traveled the world, made myself available to fate, I could catch some of what she so desperately needed me to have. But then she went and drowned right in front of me. Floating on a freezing pond. Where were we? I can't remember. Out  walking somewhere, I let her wander off. Perhaps she was toeing the shining top, tapping her reflection with her tiny boots. A crack and a slip. The only thing I remember clearly is how her hair floated in waves on top of the water, framing her face. Dry. It took forever to sink. She looked beautiful. Face flushed - too young! 

Now I overheat. It is almost a constant feeling for me. My baths are always tepid, cool, in the hopes I will get some sort of chill. I let the waves in the tub take me back and forth. Cold. I imagine this is the last thing she ever felt. I know she finds me interesting now. She follows me, and has made it clear she will be following me throughout my travels. I must remind myself of this when I feel the most vulnerable, or when I want to do something despicable. I don't think she'll ever go away. But she means well. 

Another thing - I am a certified, bonified, top notch jinx. It is nothing catastrophic really, just stressful. I don't think I murdered my wife. I think something tiny that I put off years ago set the stage for the chain of events that occurred. There have been more earthquakes in my home town since my birth than in all of history. Three droughts, two assassinations, one raging fire. Do not think I flatter myself, oh no. I do not think I am the center of all these larger than life occurrences. I just think I helped to tip the scale. I was never meant to be born you see; it was purely a freak accident. One more person when the universe did not intend it so. The balance has been entirely thrown off by me. But you begin to notice my character, do you not? I am selfish. I continue to exist, I took a wife, I would have had children. I traipse around the town, I intend to travel, to wreak my cosmic havoc elsewhere. But there must be a limit? I am not so big, after all. 

So I will begin with the desert, travel on foot to forest. I intend to walk or sail a straight line and cross the Earth. I intend to end up exactly where I started. So I will begin with the desert.